The Man from the World of Logic
by HadrasVorshoth
Summary: A Fanfiction attempt gone wrong, fairly short as the character got side tracked. I'll start this again PROPERLY later, for now, enjoy my monologue!
1. Chapter 1

What happens when you flip the universe on its side?

No, I'm not talking about physical objects.

What happens if you change a few simple rules, or, as humans arrogantly have a tendency to call them, 'Laws', and then open a hole between the previous state of the universe and your new one? It seems somewhat scary, no? The concept that another universe, similar yet different could be close to our own.

Interestingly enough, this concept is older than it has had maths to back it up- humans always have believed in worlds beyond our own, and due to that most serious ailiment, a lack of imagination, they based it on their own world.

Mostly.

One of the more notable universes this has happened to is the Harry Potter universes. When J.K. Rowling wrote a series of books about a scruffy young boy with a bit of head damage, she opened the way to a lot of people unleashing their creative side. Or... Not very creative side, as many of the works suggest. However, if we take on the principle that 'everything exists somewhere, albeit probably in a different universe', then you realise the sheer scale of magic users that have been created.

Yes. Teenagers of the 21st century have created huge wars in alternate universes. They have made people fall in love and break up. They have bent the laws of reality.

So when something spilled out into our own universe, forcing a strangely 'standard hero type' person of our world into one of these worlds...

Was it seriously all that surprising?

After all... You do have an infinite multiverse of seemingly impossibly powerful beings. How could you NOT expect one of them to find out about our own universe and pull us out of it?


	2. Chapter 2

Volksarrim was an experimental researcher in the field of magic.

He had graduated from a Muggle university a few months prior, studying the sciences.

Ever since the second Great Wizarding War had happened, many people were mixing more strongly with Muggles. In fact, there was a fund set up to allow wizards who did not know much about the Muggle world to afford to purchase MemScrolls, a curious magical device which could temporarily give you the memories of someone who gets the Muggle world.

But of course, that was a long time ago.

Volksarrim was researching into the concept of alternate universes- with the practical application being to extract spell components from them. Most traditional potion ingredients were getting rarer and rarer, mainly due to overhunting. Dragons were practically extinct, despite the efforts of Dragonkeepers such as that one member of the infamous Weasley family. Basilisks were practically unknown of. Phoenixes were missing in action. Golden Boars were taken out after the Greek period of history. Wolfsbane was being harvested too much, to the point where entire Muggle fields had been taken over just to grow the useful anti-lycanthropy drug that was becoming more common.

In short- Volksarrim was probing a whole new universe beyond his, a pioneer of his age.

He read the ancient tome, taken from a nearby library.

_To open the Gate, one must give a token representing one's lifeforce to the gods._

_However, this must be done in a protective circle._

_At the Full Moon._

_On a Thursdaye._

It was rather infuriating- the instructions had no linear path to them, explaining the last thing to do first then moving to the first thing to do last. Also, a mixture of cryptic messages and olde-worldey text was rather confusing.

So it was probably no surprise to any of you, the unknown readers of this tale, that Volksarrim threw the tome to the floor in frustration, causing a magical implosion in his lab.

* * *

I was watching Bill and Ted's Most Excellent Adventure. As I did not own the dvd, and bearing in mind that it was on free channels on Sky Digital almost every other week around this time of year, I pirated it.

It was on the final scene, when they're about to attempt to rock out like their future selves, joined by the dude who basically arranged everything.

The movie finished.

And I was left with a sense of disappointment.

_Bogus Journey's better. Or Weird Science. Both equally good movies. _

I was bored then. I had little to do with my time that day, for I had done enough study to make my brain feel like it was prepared to bleed, seen enough 80s movies that I was begining to labour under the idiotic idea that watching some of the movies from my actual childhood, in the 90s, would be a good idea.

_I COULD in theory do a Star Trek movie marathon now... But I don't really feel in the mood for Picard... Or Kirk. I'm more of a Janeway mood... Are there any Voyager movies?_

I fired up Google and searched for 'Voyager Movie'.

I found nothing but online petitions that no filmmaker would ever take seriously.

_Then again... Considering the sheer amount of random emotional changes Janeway had from one episode to the next, I doubt anyone would want to make a movie about it._

_

* * *

_**Hey, the Author here. Just in case you didn't know, th****e Star Trek: Voyager series is well known for its total lack of consistency at times.**

**For example, in one episode, Janeway is being all awesome, pretty mean and tough. However, in another episode with similar conditions, she's really pleasant and cheerful. And in another: Almost CRYING.**

**I guess the scriptwriters weren't really sure what to write for Janeway (as there were more than one, hence different story style at times), and so they eventually did a weird amalgamation of every mood they could throw at here. She became the Captain PMS of the starship Menstrual Pains.**

**Sorry, but it's true! Voyager sucked in this way, which is a shame, as other than the inconsistencies from one episode to another, it was rather good.**

**Okay. Sorry for the Emperor's New Groove-esque interruption. It's not going to happen again. "Steve! Roll the text-film thing!"**

**VWWWWIIP!**

**

* * *

**

I decided to go on Kotaku, and look at the latest nerd stuff.

I then went to Hello Kitty Hell, an amusing place to go on the web for a quick laugh (warning, nsfw if you have a boss that doesn't like you looking at Hello Kitty Shoulder Massagers.).

I then got bored and went to the toilet.

It was on the fourth lump of excremental waste when it happened.

The First Magic Thing in my universe.

Basically, my toilet disappeared and I hurtled through a twisty, purple, purpley, twisturple, purple, blurple corridor of twisty, purple-bluey craziness.

In fact, looking back, it was rather like the opening credits of a Doctor Who episode ever since they rebooted the show. (Everyone knows that the Jelly Baby Doctor pwned the modern ones)

I landed-hard- onto a particularly ugly looking bit of flagstone.

Okay, I admit it, I'm not exactly an expert on stone floors or anything (does such a person exist? Maybe at your local B&Q, but not amongst mortal men and women...), but when you've got totally random blobs of rock placed in an utterly chaotic fashion that somehow looks like it was intentional, it looks ugly.

Also: The rocks were all black.

We're talking goth/emo kid cutting themselves in their room 'oh my heart is so:' black.

The black of someone who really wants to seem dark and mysterious, but is really just posing. How could I tell all this from a mere floor, I hear ye mundane people ask there at the back, next to the meanttobehot chick with the ribcage that I could use as an awesome xylophone?

Well... It is quite elementary, my dear Watson.

I used to be that kind of person.

...

Not the chick! The emo kid!

...

Sheesh, you try to make a quick metaphor, and they poop all over it by getting totally confused as to what you're on about.

I'd like to clarify though. I wasn't actually emo per SAY... I was pretending to be. To attract a girl. As you do, in the less enlightened days of one's childhood.

I was still looking at the flagstones beneath me, when a mottled purple hand grabbed my shoulder.

I would like to mention here that I did the most manly thing I could then, and strike at it in defence.

But that would be a lie.

I screamed like Daphne of Scooby Doo, the show where none of these guys who dress up as monsters is actually all that dangerous, and all murders- SORRY I MEAN DISAPPEARANCES get forgotten about after the commercial break.

Eventually though, I calmed down.

The man offered me a jelly baby, in rather awkward English, and he clearly had a Russian Accent.

He was wearing some robes, but this didn't strike me as odd- you meet all sorts when you live in a smallish city for 19 years approximately, and retro fashions don't really faze you after the twelth flasher.

He actually looked only a bit older than me, and eventually we worked a dialogue out. Luckily, English is a universal language wherever you go on Earth, for the most part, mainly because of the Empire of the United States of America, following the footsteps of the Empire days of Britain of yore have spread it around like Nutella on the great toast which is the world.

Admittedly it was basically babyspeak.

... Do we really have to go into this bit?

**Yes.**

What the...

**Listen, my little Gary Sue, as I am tempted to name you... You have disrupted the flow of this story so badly that I am going to have to rewrite this chapter. **

Listen, I'll make it work!

**No. Me making my presence obvious in this realm to you is the breaking of the fourth wall. Normally when this happens I hiatus the story, but I've invested too much time into plannign this one out to kill it completely.**

Listen, maybe if you made the Russian guy speak a language I can understand...

**... Weeell... You are a copy of me. With exaggerations about the past. So... I could make it be a big reveal that both of you can speak Welsh, as I can. (just about)**

How are you going to justfy that? He IS Russian...

**... There have been worse things in fanfiction that were randomly spewed out.**

So you're going down the dark side of authorhood? Good for you! Always wondered if I would ever turn evil...

**Oh come off it! it's not evil to throw in a story element that saves you some time getting to the ACTUAL PLOT!**

Actually... It's inexcusable. I'm going to suggest you can the whole story. Start again another time, like all your Potterfics you've tried before.

**But I had a plan! You were going to totally crush hard on Luna, and we'd explore the character of 'Rolf' that J.K made up as a husband for her, and then there'd be a fight, and then...**

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You want me, to take on a wizard? Effectively... You. We're not exactly the most athletic person in all reality, are we?

**True... But you'd have magic by that point.**

What, is the Mysterious Man going to come to my doorstop with a box of magical crap and a wand charger+digital spellbook?

**We really DID play the Sims too much when we were younger...**

Granted, but how are we going to explain this to the people reading this?

**I'dve sent you into Olivanders. Or some equivalent. You'd have 'power untold'.**

Bingo!

**Huh?**

Oh, sorry, I was crossing off my Fantasy Story Bingo Card. 'powers more than other ordinary characters have' is a common one, so it's a part of the weird squiggly path one can get to get the same points of a regular bingo path.

**Let me see that!**

Hey! Don't snatch!

**This... This looks awesome! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

Oh... Bumfluff. You're going to use that as a checklist for your story, aren't you?

**No. I would never do a thing like that.**

Pull the other lever, it's got a Frankenstein on it!

**You mean a Frankenstein's Monster.**

Actually, I was thinking of the Doctor Frankenstein at the but the monster works as well.

**Anyway... I'm going to have to destroy your entire universe... I mean, multiverse now.**

Hey... I just had an idea for the ending... Wanna hear it?

**Go on. Every second you stall stops me from imagining your universe.**

Essentially... They're actually NOT different universes. I just lived in the Muggle parts of the world and never noticed the wizards everywhere until my adventures dragged me into a wizarding part of the SAME world!

**Brilliant. A Plot Twist that only I could have made.**

Actually, as we're having a dialogue like this, you could consider me as a seperate entity if you want.

**Seriously? You'd be cool with that?**

Oh yeah. Dude... You're not the coolest person to be, you know. I'd rather be... That dream creature you drew in art all those years ago.

**... You mean Nix, don't you.**

Yeah! Nix! Man that guy was awesome. Spirit of pure light energy, embued in a small, demon-style package. Didn't he have an alternate?

**Yes. Nox. The Spirit of Darkness and Cold. He knew how to party.**

Oh yeah! I remember! He's the demon-hallucination that encouraged you/us to ask out

**Don't finish that sentence. This is public, after all.**

Sorry. I forget that I'm not real after all.

Hey... Did you freeze the russian guy?

**Yeah. Sorry, but I didn't want him to see you staring at empty space mentally speaking to me.**

But you apparently thought it'd be cool for me to comment on his apparently 'gothy flagstones'?

**Yes.**

You need to get a life.

**Watch it, or I'll put you in the Marvel Universe and give you boobs. That'll mean you'll be immortal as long as the fans like you, ala Jean Grey.**

DC comics do that a lot more, actually...

**DC? You are so not a vestige of my brain any more. DC suck!**

You like Batman. When he's not whinging.

**Oh come on! I've read 8 Batman comics in my LIFE... He only didn't whinge in TWO of those. 2/8=1/4 which is 25% of all Batman comics!**

So. Are you going to destroy me or not?

**... No. I will keep you. Bring you in a later story. You can keep your capacity to speak with me, but I may turn it off when it becomes unnecessary. However... Your memory of this event, and any events in my life, shall remain as fresh as ever. You will be my insert to all stories. You can do whatever you like, but I will not permit you take the spotlight for too long.**

Sounds fair. How are you going to prevent the God Mode problem you've had with similar beings to myself in the past?

**If you become too powerful, I will rely on the armies of Reviewers to point it out and then I shall strike you down a peg or two.**

Very well. So I guess this is goodbye then?

**I prefer "see you soon."**


End file.
